My husband and I are the parents of a preschooler — a tiny human with the miraculous ability to bring home a cornucopia of viruses and bounce back within a day, leaving my husband and me, the supposed adults, utterly destroyed for weeks. From September through April, sometimes even May, we wage a ceaseless battle against our daughter's adorable, mucus-smeared germs. Since we are not the first parents to ever exist or fall sick to our child’s bugs, none of this is a surprise.
What is a surprise is the godsend caffeine has provided. Or maybe that’s not a surprise to anyone but us. For 35 years, my husband and I were caffeine-free, navigating through 80-hour work weeks, a colicky baby's nocturnal howling, and, on my husband’s part, night shifts — all unaided by caffeine. It was a point of pride, a testament to our endurance. It wasn’t until we needed to function at a high level while fighting off influenza and strep throat simultaneously (thanks preschool germs!) that we finally succumbed to temptation.
And you know what we learned? Caffeine. Is. Freaking. Amazing. A single cup of coffee and I could suddenly write two thousand words a day that were not only coherent, they were downright charming. Two cups a day and I realized I could work with a fever of 102. Three cups a day meant that I could write a thousand words, vomit, write a thousand more, than walk my dog with pep in my step.
I tried four cups one time and that reversed the order a bit: vomit, write a thousand words, vomit again, then eat a loaf of bread to absorb the acid coming up my throat. So I went back to two cups a day.
Through this grand experiment that is parenthood, I recognize there are times when you should just accept you’re sick and stay in bed. However, when you are persistently ill for months on end and are responsible for other human beings, one of which regularly wakes from nightmares of witches trimming her toenails with those terrifying fingernail clippers we keep in the kitchen drawer, you bow to necessity. Or at least I do. And that warm, velvety cup of morning joe has turned out to not only be a lifeline, it’s become a cherished ritual amidst the daily chaos. So here’s a toast to caffeine: I don’t just like you; I owe you one. Cheers!
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