The Highest of Highs, the Lowest of Lows

Last week, I finished what I believed to be the final edits on my current manuscript and sat back in my chair with a broad smile. It felt so outrageously good to be done. Then my beta readers came in, gobbling down my novel with excited comments and enthusiastic praise. That’s right, bitches, I thought to myself. I can write a love story that’ll break your heart and make you cry tears of poignant hope. However, that’s when new comments began trickling in. These sounded a bit different. “This joke falls flat.” “What’s with the inconsistent character voice?” “Why would he ever say that?” Sigh.

Writing a novel feels like willingly embracing the emotional stability of a two-year-old. The highs are so intoxicating that you lose sight of the ground meant to keep you steady. While the lows leave you wanting to beat your head against that same grounding earth. For context: I’m a glass-is-half full kind of gal. I choose happiness over misery nearly every time, including when it means re-writing history in a rose-colored hue. So it’s strange that I choose a career path that continually tries to ground me. Except... maybe that’s what has me so well suited to it. I can retrospectively convince myself that those lows were in fact, not that bad. It’s all an opportunity for growth, right? What a unique chance for progress! Without a mountain to climb, life is featureless and flat. Bring on that suffering!

After reciting these cliché, yet surprisingly effective, platitudes I decided to go for a hike with my dog and breathe in the fresh mountain air to reset. Then I sat back down at my desk and stared at the words I’d written. A week ago I believed them to be brilliant, then they read like garbage. Now they just feel like an opportunity for further polishing. So when I lean back after days of tweaking, I once again smile. At least until I hear back from my editor...